Five random memories

Haha, now that I've started blogging again, I can't seem to stop. I'm constantly looking out for things to blog about. That's when this idea hit me. Five Random Memories. Here we go.

1. Year, 1994. Age, 6 going on 7. Standard 2. Cochin. I was asked to monitor my class for an hour or so 'cause the teacher had other more important things to do. I was thrilled. The Class Monitor. What a freakin' star I am, I thought. The teacher must really like me to give me *such* an honour. I strut around class, giving everyone a i'm-the-boss-now-don't-mess-with-me look while i secretly bask in my awesomeness of being made the Class Monitor. I share giggles and winks with my friends (hey, I might be a monitor, but I would never give them  that look). I'm on top of the world. But then, I see this one kid who sort of starts talking. I give the kid my world famous look. Nope. Doesn't seem to work. I try once again. Nope. Nothing. I tell him politely next, cos I'm nice that way. That only gets him talking more. Now I'm really pissed. I raise my voice. He stops for a bit, and starts when he thinks I'm not going to give him hell again. I pick up a scale. Ha! That should intimidate the crap outta him. Like all normal beings, he's curious. Will the girl with the stupid grin on her face actually wield the pain-maker? He makes his neighbour laugh. I go up to them and brandish the scale in his face. It's a warning. Don't you dare let a sound outta that stupid hole in your face, I say. He's quiet again, for a while. By this time, everyone else in class is starting to think I can be messed around with. There are a few more giggles and whispers floating around. All of a sudden, almost everyone realises I don't really intend to use the ruler, and it's mayhem! Everything's going wrong. The kids are supposed to listen to me, be scared shitless by the scary picture of the scale and me! In vain, I scream, I'm gonna hit you if you don't keep quiet. But obviously, noone's listening.

2. Year, 1998. Age, 10. Goa, Holiday with family. It was the year one of my cousins  got married. We'd come down to Bangalore from Hyderabad for the wedding and decided to go on a family holiday to Goa, of all the places. I don't remember much of the trip. We went on a 'cruise' one evening. There was alcohol and soft drinks. I remember thinking how awesome it was that I was allowed to have TWO Pepsi's.   I was a kid high on Pepsi and loving every bit of the 'cruise', which consisted of not much. Some lame-ass chairs around the deck, some lame-ass music and a lot of old people getting drunk. We went back to the hotel where I slept like any 10 year old sleeps, deeply. Obviously all that cola had to manifest itself in some form or another. That night, it didn't stop me from falling asleep. Instead, it woke me up in the middle of the night wanting to be released. As a kid, I'd always been afraid of the dark, and a dark hotel room was scarier than all the scary stories put together. There's something about hotel rooms that creeps me out. And the bathrooms are worse. That's the scariest room in a hotel room. The while tiles, the mirror, the shower curtains, the bath tub, the towels hanging on the side, the paleness and smoothness of it all is the perfect place for a monster to hide. And the walk to the bathroom. *shudder* The thought of my heart beating in my ears as I walk towards the bathroom is enough to send me deeper into my sheets. I try and wake my mum up. The monsters wouldn't dare attack if my mum was around. She grunts and rolls over. 'Amma, I have to go to the bathroom', I explain. She asks me  what I'm waiting for, half asleep. 'I'm scared, come with me'. Normally, she would, but I guess she deserved a break too. We were on a holiday, after all. She tried yelling. I persist. One whack is what i get next. That silences me up and I draw back into the sheets. I can't remember if I went to the bathroom till the next morning or not. Guess if I had, I'd remember, huh?

3. Year 2002. Age, 14. Standard 9. Chennai. Sitting on the kattai at school. Get up, walk towards the volleyball match happening. A bunch of seniors playing. He was there. Melting heart at the sight of him playing volleyball. My favorite sport. Getting teased by my friends who knew. All of a sudden, he faints. Worry. People screaming for water. Someone asking me to give my water bottle. Me standing still, not able to do anything.

4. Holding hands with a friend. Comfort. Warmth. Security. Happiness.

5. Year, 2010. Age, 22. Eve of a friend's birthday, Hyderabad. We're sitting in my hostel room listening to music and jabbering away. Laughter comes easily and conversation is light. Music playing in the background. Two of my friends are sitting on my bed. I'm sitting in front of my desk on a chair, sort of straddling it. Someone asks for the time. I lean back to look at my laptop and suddenly realise something is off. I seem to feel weightless. The chair! It's falling. As I try and grab at the desk, I look at my friends looking at me. Falling. They seem to think I'll hang on. Everything turned slow. I seem to want to get it over with, the falling. But it took forever. I scream, 'I'm falling, I'm falling, Duuuuude, I'm falling!!' One of them makes an attempt at getting up, but it's too late for that. Time decided to hurry the hell up at that point. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor, with a chair between my legs. I look at myself. There's nothing else I can do. The laughs come. The mad hysterical ones that you can't really stop. I can't stop laughing. No one can stop laughing. I can't breathe. Best birthday gift ever, I've been told.

What If?

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder. Sometimes, there are only What If's and If Only's.
It's a terrible thing to be thinking of. It can eat you alive. It can reduce you to something you never imagined you could become. It can force you to do things that you never imagined you would, or could for that matter. What If's are my favourite pass time. Honest. They help you get by on a friend-less day, and they can bring you down and leave you there in that void, on a friend-less day. I absolutely love them. And I absolutely detest them. That's the magic of it. What If I'd been in one school all my life? What If I'd never left Madras? What If I'd spoken my mind when I should have? What If I hadn't yelled? What If I'd never met some of the people I consider my own? What If I hadn't read that book? What If we hadn't fallen apart? What If I'd tried harder? What If? What If? What If? It's driving me insane. I love it. I hate it. One particular What If has been haunting me for a while now. I'd like to talk about it, if you will.
I had this friend once, at least *I* felt that way. It was back when it was 'cool' to be on Yahoo! It was when I had big expectations and aspirations for college. It was when these were crushed and all I had were a handful of friends and the internet. It started how all friendships start. How all relationships begin, for that  matter. I cherished it. I built a castle of What If's around it. We had so much in common. We had nothing in common. I learnt loads from it. I was so thrilled to make a friend - a friend, who previously, even though our paths crossed, I hadn't spoken to, until later - I wrote in my journal about it. A friend, who was actually interested in the mundane-ness of my life. I lapped it up. I logged on, every night, night after night, to talk to this being who seemed to be interested, who seemed to give a damn.
Maybe, it was meant to last only so long. I'd like to say Thank  You. I wish we'd kept in touch. I wish you weren't just another 'friend' on my 'friends list' on Facebook. Even though it seems like we'll do just fine without ever crossing paths, sometimes, I wish I'd addressed it to Matthew Perry.

It's been almost two years since i last blogged and on some levels it doesn't seem too long and on others it feels like it's been ages. I itch to write, but like some people say, Nothing is coming!! Every time I think I should jot something down, immediately I feel, on some level, that that particular topic is not worth talking about, not worth discussing or not worth my attention. Still, it lingers on, for a while at least.

I would like to believe it is because there's something out there that keeps me from spinning out gripping stories that constitute my life, or well worded opinions on supposedly topics that matter. To some extent, that is probably true. Or maybe, and this is more probable, it's because i'm just plain ol' lazy!

To continue with this train of thought, let's assume that it is indeed that something that is holding me back from writing. I try to convince myself of it every time i feel the need to write. Writer's block, screams a voice inside me, while another one snorts and says, yeah right, more like apathy. As I try to hear myself think over these bickering voices, i realise it's not just with the writing. It's with everything around me and everything I do. The inability to get involved or get excited or get angry or get whatever-it-is about food, movies, music, relationships, books, people, ideas . . . Little seems to interest me, and even if something does grab my attention, it's fleeting. I guess that's beautiful in a way, huh?
It's a rut, Apathy is. Then again, what else can let you look at things with such wonderful detached-ness? Yup, it's quite a beautiful thing.

This is where i found the picture: http://slovly.com/2010/09/27/down-with-this-sort-of-thing/

The Denial

I got a mail from the beautiful people guys today. My application has been rejected.

Here you go :

Dear Swathi,

Unfortunately, your application to BeautifulPeople Network was not successful. The members of BeautifulPeople did not find your profile attractive enough.

Please note, only one in five applicants are currently accepted into BeautifulPeople.com.

BeautifulPeople welcomes you to apply again, perhaps with a better photo or a more interesting profile text.

With a rating of 6.49, my profile has been rejected from BeautifulPeople. How's that for a denial!? :)

Lahore - Pakistan

Lahore - Pakistan. Another Blast. Another Suicide Attack. Result. 30 People Dead.

Just Another Day At Work.

Not Beautiful? Sorry, YOU may not enter this website!

I was browsing through the newspaper today and I found this article about a website that allowed only 'Beautiful People' in!
The essence of this website is very simple, If you're beautiful, you're eligible for a membership. And how does one decide if you're beautiful or not? All you do is give in your basic details and submit a photograph. You will then be put under a 48 hour wait where the opposite sex would judge you and vote if you're beautiful or not. Once in, you get to meet other 'beautiful people', build your personal and professional lives and also attend parties and exclusive events where you would find, most definitely, only 'beautiful people' around. What's more? The website is being launched in 89 countries today as per what I've read. Something all the beautiful people should be screaming with joy about.

Here's a line from the website that I found amazingly shocking -
"BeautifulPeople simply removes the 'first hurdle' as every member is exactly that; 'Beautiful' as deemed so by their peers."
Riiiiiight! because what I'm looking for in my professional life is that everyone i work with be beautiful and good looking.

I'm the kind who doesn't pay too much attention to myself and take care of my skin or teeth or eye lashes or the pores in my face! What exactly is this beauty they talk about? Is it about looking perfect? Looking like every other plastic in town!? I can just about imagine people hoping and praying they'd get in or get selected and be allowed to access the website so that they could mingle with other beautiful people. For all we know, one will probably end up with a lower confidence level because they couldn't get in. And of course you can keep trying until you get in. I see big obsessions in the future.

You might think I'm ranting because I may be one of the non beautiful people around. And you might be right too. But does it really matter?! Is it that important to be "well groomed?" Makes me sound like a dog (no offense to dogs,I love 'em and I think they should be well groomed!) It's scary...to say the least!

PS: I've put in my application along with a photograph and on the website. For the heck of it! Will keep you updated! :)

Bombay, India - Burning....Burnt?

Like everyone else the only thing that is hounding me these days other than my semester exams is the Mumbai Blasts... Like everybody else i'm concerned about Mumbai, about the people who died and quite obviously about my Country.

When the blasts occurred on the 26th of November, i was fast asleep in my home in Bangalore. The next morning the first thing i hear from my mother is that Mumbai is burning. Mumbai is under attack by terrorists and after that the only thing anyone is watching on tv is the unraveling of the terrible and horrific events going on in our Bombay. So many places attacked, so many people dead, so many tragic stories i've swallowed like a hungry shark in the last few days.

At first i was glad all the so called "leaders" of the nation said they'd fight it out together. I was glad that atleast now they see the importance of the situation. I hoped maybe, just maybe things were finally changing, but as someone once told me, hope is but delayed disappointment, these "leaders" were back to their old games. Accusations piled up on the other party..no matter if it's the ruling one or the opposition. It disgusts me. Period. It angers me. Even when the NSG were still fighting against these cruel evil doers the Opposition was throwing accusations as to whose fault it was that these terrorists actually got in. Don't you find this low?! don't you find this to be a cheap tactic?

62 hours...62 hours of terror on Bombay...nearly 200 dead and so many more hurt. The people who lost their lives, their relatives, the ones who were injured...it's terrible to even think what's going on here, isn't it?

i saw an ad on tv, by a Prasoon Joshi, about the Bombay spirit and how they usually get over everything and how they are always resilient. This ad, on the other hand, said Enough, i'm not going to be resilient anymore, i'm not going to gather all the pieces of this city, i'm not going to wash off the blood stains...you get the picture..This time the people of Bombay want a change. They want security. they want action. And they have a right to it.

Peace marches are going on these days, even in Bangalore...and i only hope something comes out of all this. With the elections close by every party is trying to bitch about the other to win a few votes, what if none of us vote? what happens then? i'd like to know.

will we ever learn...?

Shantaram

i finally finished the book. It ended so abruptly it took me some time to get used to it. Shantaram, written by Gregory David Roberts is, to put it simply, one heck of a book!!!

A friend of mine who has never and i repeat NEVER read a book in his life told me he was reading it and he actually liked it. Then when he gave me a copy i kept wondering how he'd finish atleast half the book cos it's one HUGE book!!

Gregory David Roberts, a convict running from the Australian Prison who adopted the name Lindsay in New Zealand and to Lin'baba' in Bombay and Shantaram in the village of Sunder, lets us peep into his highly adventurous and sometimes scary life in Bombay.

It was different reading this book because i was really aware of the fact that the people in the book were real, breathing and existing at one time or another. I don't know why that really gave me the goosebumps! I've finished reading the book i still want to know more. I want to know EVERYTHING!!! lol i know it's crazy but that's how it is. I want to go Leopold's cafe, to the zopadhpatti near the World Trade Centre and meet Johnny Cigar and the others!!I want to meet Didier and Vikram and Lettie! I want to see them atleast. That's the effect the book's had on me. I cannot stop thinking about the book which may be partly because i'm pretty jobless but majorly because it's so well written. I keep wondering about their lives and how it's changed over the years. :)

After i started reading the book i wanted to see what Linbaba looked like so i googled him. what i expected what not what i got!lol but now that i know the face of Linbaba it somehow fits in its own way. The fact that all this is true doesn't fail to amaze me everytime i think about the book. It's just...WOW! comparing my life to all the lives mentioned in the book i feel like i know nothing about anything!!!

This is the only time ever that i've wished there was time machine so that i could go back in time and look over everything that happened. The closest i've come to that is reading the book and in a way that's the only time machine there is. I'm so glad i read the book because it's taught me loads. Some of the ideas expressed in them is so different from what i've been taught and what i've learnt that i'm forced to reconsider and adapt to the new ideas. They say a book can change ur life but i never read a book that did. This may be the closest i've come to change something about me and my life.

I can't really explain it. Abdel Khader Khan's words make sense to some extent for me. I don't agree with everything yet maybe because i don't know much yet or maybe because i just don't see it like he does. But it does have an impact.

Lastly Linbaba gave a tour to Madonna recently. He showed her Leopold's and all the other places. I saw it on tv. lol all i wanna say is Madonna isn't the only one who wants to experience the magic of Leopold's and Haji Ali Mosque and Strands and the other places that's been so vividly explained in the book!!!!! :)
*hint hint* Linbaba!! :)

It's been a while since i last posted but that's the way i am! LAZY! :P

Anyway i'm one of the billions of fans of cricket and i've been following the ongoing India Vs Australia series with a lot of interest! They are my two most favorite teams in the World. Yes i like Australia! They play good cricket - Most of the times atleast. They know how to win and that makes them more aggressive..more invincible...
One of the reasons why everyone is so damned pissed with the Australian cricket team is that they can almost get away with anything. And the thing that annoys us even more is that they talk the talk AND walk the walk!!!

Of course that is no excuse for the kind of cricket being played... It pains me to watch Anil Kumble on the television set. The man doesn't deserve what he got.. first the racial row and later watching his team collapse around him to a defeat by 10 minutes..literally!! I almost cried watching his interview on star cricket! He looked so absolutely devastated and angry! Now everyone's talking about his last statement at the post match press conference - "only one team played in the true spirit of the game" or something of that sort.

Coming to the racial row.. No Evidence...No case. PERIOD! Bhajji doesn't deserve the ban!!! If Bhajji does then so do most of the Aussie team!!! On the news channels i read a bulletin that claimed that Mike Procter said Bhajji meant to offend Andrew Symonds! Of course he did! Does that mean Symonds didn't mean to offend Bhajji? or that everytime there's an argument between two players they don't mean to "offend" each other?!?! The only factor to determine here is if the comment was racist and since they don't have evidence there's no case!!! hey but the odds seem to be even-ing out now.. Brad Hogg! here we come!!! If you abuse u got to face the consequences right? isn't that what happened with Bhajji? though noone can say if it's fair or not! Don't they abuse too? The kind of language used on the field isn't all gentlemanly..all u have to do is read their lips which isn't really that tough! My question though is... Why would Bhajji call Symonds a "monkey" for no apparent reason? According to Symonds, Bhajji hit lee while taking a run and Symonds went in to have a word with him and that's when Bhajji retorted! so how is that Bhajji's fault? Now are we saying that even touching an Aussie is a crime?I can't stop speculating!!

Another thing that i really didn't get was when Ponting in the post match press conference said he absolutely did not ground the ball that he caught while Dhoni was batting. I mean Look At The Replays!!! If that isn't grounding the ball i don't knwo what is!!! It was quite funny actually and it sounded quite silly when Ponting said that at the press conference. oh well..!

And the umpiring decisions! They were painful to watch. Everytime we got a wrong decision i would swear and yell at the tv screen hoping for a miracle and wishing they would reverse the decision. I don't want to say that it cost us the match because that would sound like we're sore losers. The reason i say that the umpiring was only partially responsible is because Jumbo and Bhajji fought it out until the almost end! It did play a big role in the outcome of the match and i don't see how the Aussies can enjoy winning this match. It doesn't really prove they're a superior team. I just don't get that. The way they celebrated. Yeah i know they equaled their own record and stuff but it isn't the destination that matters..it's the journey! :)

Considering all the umpiring errors and the pressure tactics used by the ever "aggressive" Aussie team, i'm proud we almost made it! :)

phew! feels good to get this off my chest! :)

Alright...i read the book! i didn't buy it...but i did go and beg my librarian to give me the book first and i went at 9 in the morning to collect the copy! After all the waiting...after all the speculations...after all the expectations...i have to say i feel let down. I fell cheated. cheated of the right to a good book with a decent ending. after all the hype this book created...i find it less than ordinary.. the worst part..characters were killed with no proper reason. i know it was the "war" but some of the deaths were totally unnecessary. totally unnecessary. and dear god i did not get the epilogue! i mean what the hell was that?! Albus Severus!??! seriously?? what was she thinking?!?! and not one mention of George...poor poor George! and will someone please tell what that baby like thing was at Kings Cross that Harry felt repulsed by?! but the book wasn't all bad...some parts were really good! i totally 'dug' the holey joke! and Ron...There cannot be another fictional character in a million years that i would love more. i'm so grateful that jk didn't kill him off! so so grateful!!

Oh well...College's started. Third semester SUCKS!!! period.

I have got to say Khaled Hosseini is a genius. I got to read his second book - A Thousand Splendid Suns. The book is brilliant! I did like The Kite Runner better but this book is no less. It's a really nice read and i hope i get to read more books of his. Oh yeah I even started Stephen King. The first one - Misery. This book is so twisted that i love it! Like it says in the book...the whole story is so vivid!! i can literally picture everything that's happening in there like as if it were real and live! it's scary in that sense. Can't wait to read more of his books! thanks to this sucky semester i'm getting to read more books. there is a good for every bad in this world!lol
Oh a Happy Friendship Day to everyone. Personally i don't think too much of the day. For one thing people you've almost forgotten or are sure don't exist anymore come to wish you. It just feels like such a lie. Sure i think it's nice to get such messages or calls but it all seems so shallow. Just to go with the flow - Happy Friendship Day! Hope everyone has had a blast!